Tuesday, December 28, 2010

搞笑版《非洲留英学生家信》 Yours baffled, on austerity, Bono and&n

Dear Father,

亲爱的爸爸:

Greetings from London, where everyone is talking about “cuts”. Just like those times when you battled with the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. Remember that day when two young men came to your office? It was their first visit to Africa. They were clever. One worked for the Bank, the other the Fund. You were permanent secretary in education. They wanted to talk about cuts: in the civil service, in health, in education, in state-owned corporations, everywhere, cuts. You came back to our house that night very angry.

我从伦敦送来问候。现在这里人人都在谈论“削减开支”。就像回到了你和国际货币基金组织(IMF)及世界银行(World Bank)作斗争的日子。你还记得那天吗?那两个年轻人走进你的办公室。他们是第一次到访非洲。两个聪明的年轻人,一个为世界银行工作,另一个供职于IMF。当时你任教育部常务秘书。他们想和你谈谈“削减开支”的事:从公务员系统,到医疗、教育和国有企业,处处都要削减。那天晚上,你回到家里,怒气冲冲。

“These clever boys with their structural adjustment programmes, they will make life very hard, they will destroy a generation,” you told Mother at dinner.

“这两个聪明小子和他们的结构性调整计划,会让人们的日子变得异常难过,他们会毁掉一代人的,”在餐桌上,你这么对妈妈说。

Here in England, there is the same talk, same words, same ideas.

在当今的英国,人们进行着同样的对话,用着同样的字眼,传递着同样的想法。

“And perhaps same results,” said cousin Didymus. Our English friend Anthony, who wants to go to university, did not laugh.

“结局也可能相同,”表兄迪戴莫斯这样说。我们的英国朋友安东尼没有笑。他是想去上大学的。

“Not funny,” he said.

“这一点也不好笑,”他说。

Thank goodness, the IMF and the Bank don’t bother us in Africa as much as they used to. Instead they now watch Ireland – just like they used to watch us, when they sat in their central bank office, the one next to the governor’s.

谢天谢地,IMF和世界银行不像以前那样老是来打扰我们非洲了。现在他们盯着爱尔兰呢——就像过去他们坐在总督隔壁的央行办公室里盯着我们一样。

Who, by the way, is on the African Union delegation that will advise the Irish on “stakeholder ownership and grassroots participation and thorough consultation”? I hear they will meet Bono, who will lead supermodels, popstars and BBC newsreaders in an appeal to “Drop Ireland’s Debt”.

顺便问一句,在非洲联盟代表团中,谁将向爱尔兰提供咨询,介绍“利益相关者所有权、基层参与和彻底协商”?我听说他们将与爱尔兰歌星波诺(Bono)会晤。波诺将率超级模特、流行歌星和英国广播公司(BBC)新闻播报员呼吁债权人“免除爱尔兰的债务”。

Anthony tells me there will be an airlift to Dublin of aid experts, development consultants and cross-cutting specialists, even.

安东尼告诉我,一批援助专家、发展顾问、甚至还有交叉削减专家将搭乘专机赶赴都柏林。

He says he might join them, and do a year off pre-university in Ireland.

他说他可能会加入他们,在爱尔兰读一年大学预科。

In their last letter to me, my sister and brother asked me to explain these cuts in England. I will try. Some things I know they will not believe, but they are true. Other things are very difficult to explain, and I myself am still learning. When I asked my lecturer in sociology to explain things, he said “poverty is relative”. This means . . . well, I am not sure.

在最近的一封信里,姐姐和弟弟希望我能解释一下英国的削减开支措施。我试试看吧。有些事情我知道他们不会相信的,但这些事都千真万确。还有一些事情很难解释,我自己也仍在琢磨。我请社会学讲师解释一些事情,他说“贫困是相对的”。这句话的意思是……唉,其实我也不确定。

But first, much has happened since I left home and came to study here. It is costing more than we thought. But I am lucky. Very lucky. I have work at McDonald’s. They pay me the minimum wage, £6 an hour. Some of my English friends call this a “rubbish” rate. I think this is why very few English students are working at McDonald’s.

不过首先要说的是,自从我离开家到英国留学以来,英国发生了很多事情。开支之大超出我们的想象。不过我是幸运的。非常幸运。我在麦当劳打工,拿最低工资,每小时6英镑。我的一些英国朋友称其为“垃圾”水平。我想这就是为什么很少有英国学生在麦当劳打工。

I tell them that in a single weekend, working overtime, I earn what my youngest brother is paid as a security guard, for one year. Anthony is asking his parents and their friends to sponsor him, and raise money for his “gap year”. This means he wants them to buy his ticket to Africa. He says he will come to our country and help the people living in slums. This would be “brilliant”, he informed me.

我跟他们说,如果我加一个周末的班,赚到的钱相当于我最小的弟弟当保安一年的工资。安东尼正在请求父母和他们的朋友提供赞助,筹钱帮他度过那一年的“空档期”。这意味着他希望他们替他支付去非洲的机票。他说要到我们的国家来,帮助那些住在贫民窟里的人。他告诉我,这会是件“很棒”的事情。

Now let me answer about the “cuts”. People are very afraid of the cuts, especially “savage cuts”, that will come soon. Every day they are crying. I have listened carefully.

现在让我来解释一下“削减开支”。人们非常惧怕削减开支,特别是很快就要到来的“大幅削减”。他们每天都在叫唤。我一直在仔细聆听。

These are some of the things I have learnt. This part of the letter, my family, you may not believe. But I promise you, it is true.

下面是我了解到的一些事情。我的家人啊,下面这部分内容你们或许不会相信,但我向你们保证,这都是真的。

First, in this country the government pays people to have children. One thousand pounds! Yes, I know – that is the average income of our people!

首先,在这个国家,政府出钱鼓励人们生育。整整1000英镑!没错,我知道——那可是我国国民的年均收入啊!

One thousand! For every child. Every year. Until they are 18.

1000英镑!每个孩子的家长每年都能得到1000英镑,直到孩子18岁。

Didymus says you are not to tell Uncle Tangwenya. Already he is father to seven. If he were promised money for making his children, he would come to London and no woman would be safe, says Didymus.

迪戴莫斯要你别告诉唐温亚舅舅。他已经有7个孩子了。迪戴莫斯说,如果有人向他保证,生孩子就有钱拿,他会立刻到伦敦来,女人们可就都危险了。

These child allowances will soon be cut, says the government. For me, it is duck’s water off my back, but for parents it is very worrying.

现在政府表示,这些子女津贴很快就会遭到削减。对我而言,这毫无影响,但做父母的非常担心。

My sister Patience asked me if it was true that children in England did not have to walk to school. This is correct. If a child lives more than three miles from school, the council must provide transport. By taxi, even! Yes, that is the law.

姐姐佩兴丝问我是不是英国的孩子不用走路上学。确实是这样的,如果一个孩子住在离学校超过3英里的地方,地方议会就必须提供交通工具。甚至可能是出租车。没错,这是法律规定。

But there is great fear that the cuts could end this. Other things may be cut. The children of my neighbour are very lazy, and are still sleeping when they should be at school. Yes! Sleeping! Even though they have a proper college with books and teachers, and classrooms with windows, with glass in them.

但现在家长们非常担心由于削减开支,这种服务也将中止。可能被削减的东西还有。我邻居的孩子很懒,本应该到学校的时候还在睡觉。是的!睡觉!即便他们有像样的学校,不缺书本和老师,教室有完好的玻璃窗户。

But if they arrive each day on time, they get paid! Yes! Twenty pounds a week. Just for getting to their college on time. They call it the “education maintenance allowance”.

不过如果他们每天能按时上学,就能拿到钱!没错,每周20镑,只要按时上学就能拿到。这叫做“教育维护津贴”。

Next time I will tell more about this “cuts” business – though much of it you won’t believe. At home, when you are sacked, you can starve. In this country, never. Never! There are “redundancy payments” and “unemployment benefits” and training schemes.

下封信我会进一步解释有关“削减开支”的事——尽管很多东西你们都不会相信的。在我们国家,一旦被裁员你就会挨饿。在这个国家,你永远不会挨饿!永远不!你可以领取“遣散费”和“失业保险”,还能免费参加培训计划。

I must finish now, otherwise I will be late for work. Didymus told me to ask my sociology teacher: “Is hunger relative, just like you say poverty is relative?”

我必须收笔了,否则上班就要迟到了。迪戴莫斯让我问我的社会学教师,“饥饿也是相对的吗,就像你说贫困是相对的那样?”

“Funny you should ask,” he replied, “because that is the subject of your next essay. Hand it in to me by Tuesday.”

“你问得真巧,”他回答道。“因为你的下一篇论文就是这个题目。在周二前交给我。”

Didymus said I must write what Kenneth Kaunda said after years of cuts in Zambia: “The medicine was so strong it killed the patient.”

迪戴莫斯说,我应该写上赞比亚前总统肯尼思•卡翁达(Kenneth Kaunda)在该国缩减开支多年后所说的话:“药力太强也会害死病人。”

Anthony was very interested. “Are the people in Zambia still hurting?” he asked.

安东尼对此很感兴趣。“赞比亚的人民还在受罪吗?”他问。

“Yes”, I said. He looked more cheerful: “Sounds a good place for my gap year. If I don’t go to Ireland . . . ”

“是的,”我回答道。他看上去更有劲头了:“听上去是我度过空档期的绝佳地点。如果我不去爱尔兰的话……”

Your loving son.

爱你的儿子。

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